i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
