I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
