At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
