My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
