It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize