we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think people are normalizing furries
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
