hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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