Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
