i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
