no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize