More tranny stories later!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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