I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
