I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
