sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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