We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
