Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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