I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
