So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
