Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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