The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize