There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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