I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
