I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
