it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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