So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
