Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
