do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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