By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
