I wish my penis had an off switch
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
there is glitter all over my balls
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