Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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