I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
