Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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