I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
