he puts the penis in happiness.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
