I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
