walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
