He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
