She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
