I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
