I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
