You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
