I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
