If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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