Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
