i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
