areolas are like halos for boobs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
