and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
