LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
