I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my shit smells like andre
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize