so explain again why im purple
no
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
