So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
