We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
