If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
birth control should be required to get into college
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
