i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
