So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
