nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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