He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
