i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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