Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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