I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize