So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
