We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
