i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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