i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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