i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
