I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
