I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
