No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm too high and old for this...
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