the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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